Sunday, June 23, 2013

It's sinking in...

...and it hurts.

It bothers me to the core. I don't know why, it just does. I think it would for anyone in my situation.

I have been going at this diet plan for three weeks and if I can just triumph over one more week, it will be a habit, right? A good habit. One that will totally be well worth the success. But, it hurts. The process just plain hurts.

Going to gatherings are the hardest. It seems like we have one Okay, maybe I am exaggerating because that is really the way I feel. Church events, pool parties, birthday parties, family events... it's the summer time. Everyone has something going on and every.single.something has food involved.

"I just wanted a hot dog!" I frustratedly told my husband yesterday through a fit of tears. He responded with the true statement that "I thought you could have a hot dog."

He only wants to help, I know.

"But, I wanted the WHOLE hotdog, with the bun, ketchup, chili, and chips on the side. I wanted a slice of cookie cake and some ice cream. I just don't understand how some can eat all of that and not gain a pound, but I have to struggle. I have to restrict myself to a measley plain hotdog that is DIPPED in about a 1/2 tablespoon of chili! What kind of eating is that?!?!"

I just cried. He didn't know what to say and the silence was okay. Sometimes I just need to get the rage out. It isn't fair. AT ALL!

I felt horrible for feeling miserable at the party yesterday. The host of the party knew I wasn't myself. I explained it away with an headache (which I really did have). But, she did ask me on more than one occassion if I was doing alright. I fought back tears. Celebrating a birthday is a wonderful event, and I was in the corner looking up at the sky, hoping the tears wouldn't fall. Because, it is physically impossible to cry looking up.

Maybe a lot of this hurting is because I am an emotional eater. As I am fighting back tears of disappointment because I want to do good and restrict the foods that I need to, my mind is telling me that I will find comfort in that food. It will make me feel better. It will be all better.

but it won't!

One day soon, I know that I will look back on the accomplishment of being able to conquer the desire for food. For comfort food. I was able to sit back last night and reflect on the day and reward my heart for not falling into the trap of my tears and eating a slice of cookie cake. I need to remind myself to hold the daily accomplishments close as they will be so helpful in this battle goal, I am working on. But again, the process is so tough.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

A Goal I Am Working Towards

Day 19 of my June challenge requested that I write about a goal I am working towards. Guess what, I didn’t have a chance to write yesterday, so I am writing today. I actually do have a goal that I am working towards. Wanna see? Of course you do...
Yep, that would be me on the far right. This picture was taken in August of 2004. One month before I was to get married, my best friend got married. So, you say, "And what is your goal?" Check out this picture from earlier this year - I think it was in March...
Umm... WOWSERS! Others may not see it, but all I see is that great big bulge in the middle of my body. Maybe it is just the white pants that accentuates the bubble, but honestly, it is what it is. Keep in mind, the first photo was also taken at the end of an 8 month tour of duty on Weight Watchers. I had lost 76 pounds and was the lightest I had been since I was 2. HA! I was running 3 miles a day, doing 1 hour stints on the elliptical machine and completing weight training exercises to keep myself toned.

Then... I got married, didn't have access to a free gym (I was in college while I was losing the weight), and just didn't care any more. I let myself slide. I started a new job, built a new house, had a baby, built another house, and was just living life not worrying a bit about what I was putting in my mouth. I gained the 76 pounds plus some back and have been on several yo-yo diets since 2004.

I don't like to talk about my weight a lot because it does make me deeply depressed. However, since I have this goal I am working towards, I thought I would let you all in on my secret. I have started a new diet regimen through Medi Weight Loss Centers. I see a certified nutritionist every week and am under the care of a doctor while I am on program. This program is very expensive (adding to the fact that I have to drive an hour to get to the center), but I think it is worth it - so far. I have only been on program for 3 weeks and I have lost nearly 15 pounds. Not only am I under a doctor's care, but I am also learning what to eat. I have tried some new things as well, like blueberries today. I am not a huge vegetable fan, but I have been better about eating my veggies, like broccoli, summer squash, green beans, and that is about it for now. Still working on that!

I know I have a long way to go, but I am taking this on one week at a time. I am excited for the results and ready to see the new me again. I am ready to be healthy for pregnancy #3, when the time comes. I will be sharing updates with you all as things progress. Hoping to provide good results after the first month ends!!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Whispers = Whiskers
Baben Soup = Bathing Suit
Fruton = Crouton
Pasanya = Lasagna


Friday night, Daddy J and I were sitting on the back deck and J-Man was hitting a baseball with a bat like you would hit a golf ball and each time he would scream "Meeshak!". I guess that was his version of "FOUR". Daddy J and I both were wondering why he was saying Meeshak. I asked him what he was saying, just to make sure I was getting it correct and he clearly said exactly what I was thinking. I asked him if he knew who Meeshak was and he told me very matter of factly - "He was in the fire and didn't get burned." Like, duh, Mommy. Daddy J asked why he didn't get burned and he said, "Because Jesus was with him." I asked him who else was with him and he could say Abendigo, but he had some trouble remembering Shadrack. Once I told him, he said the three names over and over and over.


Sunday night we went to a pool party and just before we were getting ready to leave, the owner of the house has a dog that apparently hates the water. We were discussing how the dog got in one time and swam across the pool as fast as he could to get out. They told us that it kinda looked like he was trying to walk on the water. To that, my J-Man said, "Like Jesus, and Peter, James, and John and Andrew. They were fishing."

He still amazes me with what he is learning these days!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Throw-Back Thursday

No woman can understand a mother's love until she has children of her own. I have learned to love unconditionally and hold this precious life close to my heart. As the days pass by so quickly, I am saddened by how much I don't remember about the first days, weeks, months - even though I feel like I remember so much. Time is always so precious. This little guy stole my heart the day I found out he was coming. When he arrived, my heart melted and I don't think I have gotten over it since. He is such a joy, even on the bad days. I am so thankful that I can call him my son.


Another Challenge

Yes, I have found another blogging challenge... but, I am not going to make myself stick to it too tight this time. Why? It can become a daunting task which really makes me not want to blog at all.. Doesn't that defeat the challenge's purpose? Of course it does. So, I will pick my favorites and we will just go from there. By the way, I am very sorry if you cannot read the text very well on the challenge list. I am not sure why it is so blurry. Just grab your magnifying glass and try not to make your eyes hurt too bad.

Here goes... Day 6: Three Ways to Win Your Heart

I thought this would be a tough one, but after I thought about it for a moment, I realized, it wasn't so tough. I really am pretty easy going and there isn't much that doesn't make me happy. But, if you really want to win my heart, here's what you have to do:

1) Make me smile/laugh. For those of you that know me personally, that is not hard to do. I have been told that I laugh at e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! However, that really isn't the case. I do get sad sometimes. I just know that laughter is good for the soul and if I laugh long and hard enough, I can even burn some calories, right? One of my rules (told to me by my mom) for finding a husband was for him to make me laugh. I made sure of that, and he does. Even when I don't want to laugh. When I really want to be mad is when he is best at making me laugh.  

2) Hire a maid for me ... for the rest of my life. Oh, to never have to clean again! Never, ever, ever! That would be great! That would make my heart very glad and would make me jump for joy every day. I will tell all of you that I have made the proactive choice to do better about my cleaning, and I hope Daddy J knows that I am really trying to be a better wife and help-meet for him in that area. Making a schedule of my cleaning routine has helped. You better not bother me on a Thursday night... I would hate for that routine to be smashed. :) (and so would Daddy J for that matter...)

And last but not least...
3) Take me shopping with YOUR money! I love to shop but I don't like to spend my money. I really don't have extra money to spare, so spending yours would be great. I could buy bunches of clothes, finish the landscaping in my backyard, buy a play set thingy for J-Man, buy a new washer and dryer for my house that we don't really need but want, and I could splurge on new furnishings for my house. I could also just pick up some random things that I see on the way, like maybe a new purse or some shoes. Wouldn't that be fun? I think so!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Beginning June

A new month is here. This year is flying by. I hate that the end of May was so slow on the blog front, but here's to a fresh start. I hope June is treating all of you well. A season of changes and new things are coming for me, but that is information for another day. Today, I will just leave you with some pictures I took on Memorial Day of some special guys in my life.