We are nearing the end of summer. While we don't have the hustle and bustle of preparing for Kindergarten this year, things seem to still be changing. Maybe I am only feeling this way because it was only 64 degrees this morning when we left the house. Oh, how I am longing for autumn. My favorite season of the year. Such beauty on this earth with just the mere sight of color in our once green leaves. I know this cooler weather is only for a moment because surely next week, summer temperatures will be back. However, it does allow me to sit back and reflect. We need that sometimes.
Not only will leaves be changing, but I will be changing as well. A new life is growing inside of me and I am learning every day that every pregnancy is truly different. I wasn't sick with J-Man and I haven't really been sick with this baby, but the nausea is definitely more prevalent. I feel it mostly in the morning and it eases off when I have breakfast but doesn't completely go away until lunch time. It isn't enough to make me sick, but often times it is just plain bothersome. I don't like the uneasy feelings it offers. Crossing my fingers that it moves along, quickly.
I have to say, my thought processes are much different this time. Having a pregnancy after the loss of one does keep me on edge. I have been very excited to share our news, but a lingering thought continues to rise in the back of my brain - will we make it this time? I am holding tight to the thought that we will have a new little one at the begining of next year. However, there are times when it is a struggle to get passed my emotions. Hormones? Still part of the grief process? Probably a little bit of both.
It has been joyous living this process with a four year old. Just this week, it has seem to sink in for him. He outed the news to the day care workers yesterday and made sure to tell them I was seven weeks. He saw our first ultrasound picture on the table the other day. He brought it to me, upside down, and asked if it was a picture of a tornado. Honestly, it does look like one, but I turned it right side up and explained to him what he was seeing. He smiled and rubbed my belly. Last night before bed, he kissed the baby good night and told it to have sweet dreams. In those "hallmark" moments, you have to just sit back and smile. Then, huge belly laughs come when he explains to someone that he will not be changing the baby's diapers because they stink (while waving his hand in front of his face and scrunching his face the best he can).
This process is new to us (obviously) - having two children. However, I am ready to go for the ride. I am ready to watch my five year old learn in wonder and amazement. I am ready to watch them grow together and be each others best friends. With the good, the bad, and the ugly, I am ready to take this next chapter in stride. Savor each and every moment.