Bear With Me...

I won’t be receiving the Expectant Mother of the Year award. Is there one of those?

I feel absolutely horrible that my little one has not received half the attention that J-Man did by the time I was 16 weeks along. I tell myself everyday –take a picture of your belly… type something up to post… you will regret it if you don’t…

JENNIFER! TAKE A PICTURE!

As you can see, I am not listening to myself. I would like to tell all of you that I will make an extraordinary effort to do better and allow you all to be my accountability partners in this but I don’t want to fail. So, I will just take it one day at a time. Hopefully getting this first-post-in-a-while out will help me get back into the swing of things.

There have been quite a few things going on since I last posted. Here’s a little list to highlight them…

September 7-14 th we spent a week with my family (mom, brother, sister-in-law, and hubby and little one) down in Myrtle Beach. We had a lovely time and I thoroughly enjoyed spending beach time with my men. J-Man turned into a huge-mongus water bug and loved the ocean and the pool. My little baby is definitely growing up on me.

September 22 nd , Daddy J stepped into a new ministry in our church and was ordained as a deacon. He was nominated to be on the ballot not actually voted upon in the initial vote. However, a deacon who held a seat stepped down so Daddy J was the next in line and he accepted the offer. I am so proud of him.

September 25 th , Daddy J and I celebrated nine wonderful years of marriage. I never thought I could love that man any more than I did on the day we wed, but I certainly do. He is my life partner, my soul mate, the half that makes me whole, and my rock. He has developed into a wonderful husband and father and loves his family with everything in him.

At twelve weeks and six days (9/26), I had another doctor’s appointment. It was a lengthy one, all of the first pregnancy appointment things that have to be taken care of… lab work, another “yearly”, a talk with the insurance lady for her to tell me how much my insurance wasn’t going to pay… and for it to get worse in 2014 since the my insurance for next year will be different. (I really just have to count my blessings in this area, because it could be worse –with no insurance at all.)

Some good news out of that appointment? Anatomy ultrasound appointment set!! November 21 st ! Woohoo!

Some more good news? I heard the little one’s heart beat. I never knew how tough it would be to get to that appointment after losing a baby. For a couple of weeks before the appointment day, I had thoughts that I wouldn’t hear a heartbeat. Really kind of put me in a down mood. However, in that moment when my doctor finally found that wonderful sound, I cried. I was elated that everything was okay at this point. It definitely gave me the assurance that this little one was okay, at that moment.

On October 13-16 th our church held our fall revival services. We have an evangelist that is a member of a church and he came back to do the revival. It was a wonderful week of fellowship as well as studying true repentance in the life of a sinner (lost and saved).

At sixteen weeks and two days (10/20), I felt the flutters. The flutters are way up in my diaphragm and I know that the baby isn’t that high, but I am sure feeling it there. At first I thought it was gas, but when I could feel it on my hand, I knew it was something more. I have been feeling them all morning today as well so I know now it wasn’t just a fluke. By the way, I first felt J-Man at sixteen weeks and three days. Too cool.

I think that about wraps everything up. I do have another appointment Thursday for a monthly check-up. Praying for another good report!

A Little Update

I had a wonderful doctor's appointment yesterday. I was able to see our baby and watch the heart flickering on the screen. The heart rate was 174 and it appears that the baby is around 7 weeks and 5 days (today) which is a little behind what they originally thought. So, they updated the due date to April 4th. There was a cyst I was worried about but the doctor says all is well with that. The type of cyst that is is actually supports the pregnancy and almost always never causes any issues. Yay for a great appointment! I go back at 12 weeks for all the lovely blood work and insurance stuff. The doctor will take a listen to the heartbeat then as well. Moving right along!

After work, Daddy J went home to cut the grass and J-Man and I took some time to play. We started playing cars but after he wrecked with my car and slammed my fingers between two cars, I had enough! So, out came the sidewalk chalk and hopscotch it was.

I love spending time with this little man! We had a great evening. 

Week Eight

Today makes eight weeks. Babycenter.com says:

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

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I have another ultrasound appointment tomorrow. They are going to check the cyst out that they found on my ovary and also try to measure Baby's heartbeat. Baby was way too small to measure last time. I really hope that everything is okay with the cyst and that it is not getting bigger. However, I am more excited to see our little one. Growing. With it's special little heart flicker.

I plan to start my pregnancy progression photos today. Crossing my fingers that I remember. I did look back to find that I started with J-Man's at 7 weeks, so I have to get on the ball!

Woohooo, another week down!



Week Seven

With the baby on the way, I have already started deciding that I have to make sure that what I did/do for J-Man, I have to do with this one as well. Now, remembering what I did for J-Man is going to be the problem. Thinking about my normal forgetfulness on top of mommy-nesia, on top of a pregnant brain, I am just doomed in trying to remember everything I did when I was pregnant with J-Man. Let alone that it was five years ago. However, I do remember providing weekly updates on my blog from babycenter.com. I love to see what is happening each week. I also am amazed at what is going on inside my body - especially so early! So, without further ado...

Week Seven

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.

*disclaimer: the gender noted is directly from the article. we are not assuming the gender of our baby and will be excited with a boy or girl.

Reflections

We are nearing the end of summer. While we don't have the hustle and bustle of preparing for Kindergarten this year, things seem to still be changing. Maybe I am only feeling this way because it was only 64 degrees this morning when we left the house. Oh, how I am longing for autumn. My favorite season of the year. Such beauty on this earth with just the mere sight of color in our once green leaves. I know this cooler weather is only for a moment because surely next week, summer temperatures will be back. However, it does allow me to sit back and reflect. We need that sometimes.

Not only will leaves be changing, but I will be changing as well. A new life is growing inside of me and I am learning every day that every pregnancy is truly different. I wasn't sick with J-Man and I haven't really been sick with this baby, but the nausea is definitely more prevalent. I feel it mostly in the morning and it eases off when I have breakfast but doesn't completely go away until lunch time. It isn't enough to make me sick, but often times it is just plain bothersome. I don't like the uneasy feelings it offers. Crossing my fingers that it moves along, quickly.

I have to say, my thought processes are much different this time. Having a pregnancy after the loss of one does keep me on edge. I have been very excited to share our news, but a lingering thought continues to rise in the back of my brain - will we make it this time? I am holding tight to the thought that we will have a new little one at the begining of next year. However, there are times when it is a struggle to get passed my emotions. Hormones? Still part of the grief process? Probably a little bit of both.

It has been joyous living this process with a four year old. Just this week, it has seem to sink in for him. He outed the news to the day care workers yesterday and made sure to tell them I was seven weeks. He saw our first ultrasound picture on the table the other day. He brought it to me, upside down, and asked if it was a picture of a tornado. Honestly, it does look like one, but I turned it right side up and explained to him what he was seeing. He smiled and rubbed my belly. Last night before bed, he kissed the baby good night and told it to have sweet dreams. In those "hallmark" moments, you have to just sit back and smile. Then, huge belly laughs come when he explains to someone that he will not be changing the baby's diapers because they stink (while waving his hand in front of his face and scrunching his face the best he can).

This process is new to us (obviously) - having two children. However, I am ready to go for the ride. I am ready to watch my five year old learn in wonder and amazement. I am ready to watch them grow together and be each others best friends. With the good, the bad, and the ugly, I am ready to take this next chapter in stride. Savor each and every moment.

Another Round, Please?!

Yes, I’d love another round of a pillow, freezing cold sheets, a blanket, and a fan.

Ha! You thought I was going to say another round of the cold stuff. Nope, fooled ya!

The sheer excitement of being pregnant is wearing a little thin. Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to have the opportunity to be “mom” again, but the symptoms are sinking in. Nausea? Nope. Constant urination? Not really. Constipation? Not yet. So, “What then?” you ask? Sleepiness. Constant need of some shut eye. To the point of not really wanting to do anything. at. all. Other than sleep.

I daydream about laying in my bed falling asleep.

This desire is really kind of terrible, especially while trying to work. I did get up and walk around the office yesterday to get the juices flowing again. Today, it is too close to quittin’ time. I am going to go for the long haul, if I can. It is so quiet here today. You would think it was a holiday.

I guess I will remain positive knowing that all this work growing ears, eyes, and a nose will definitely make one tired... I mean God rested too! At least I am able to get out of the bed AND brush my teeth without hurling over the toilet every day. Crossing fingers it will stay that way!

Fire In Your Heart

We were riding to daycare this morning and the song "Words" by Hawk Nelson was playing on the radio. I love the chorus to the song, but as we were listening to it J-Man asked me "Is he the devil?"

I paused just for a minute because I was trying to figure out why he asked that, and to fill the void of silence, I asked him to repeat his question. He did. I immdediately told him no. I was going to go into telling him that the devil was in a place called hell, but I started to think that may be a little too deep of a conversation this morning. I am glad I didn't because his next question was "Then why did he say 'fire in your heart'?"

Sidenote: Huh? Why didn't I hear that? Did he really say those words in the song? I had never heard them before. Of course, I got to work this morning and confirmed through a Google search that, yes, in fact Hawk Nelson does say 'fire in your heart' in the verse of the song.

Well, I wasn't really sure what the context was of the phrase he heard because I didn't hear the words when he sang them. However, I told J-Man that he sang it because we should have fire in our hearts for Jesus. We should love Him so much that we are filled with excitement to tell others about Jesus and the love that He has for them. Fire in your heart is just another way of saying it.

"Oh."

After reading the words of the song this morning, I know that isn't really the context that words were in, but I think my explination was good for the question at hand.

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"Words" ~ Hawk Nelson

They've made me feel like a prisoner
They've made me feel set free
They've made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king

They've lifted my heart
To places I'd never been
And they've dragged me down
Back to where I began

Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

You can heal the heartache
Speak over the fear
(Speak over the fear)
God, Your voice is the only thing
We need to hear
(We need to hear)

Words can build us up
Words can break us down
Start a fire in our hearts or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna speak Your love
Not just another noise
Oh, I wanna be Your light
I wanna be Your voice

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Words can build us up
Words can break us down
Start a fire in our hearts
Or put it out

I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You